I think we can all agree on one thing. Moms come in all shapes and sizes. Some moms are “Pinterest” moms, some moms are “so cool you’re not even sure those are really their own kids” moms, and well, some are quite frankly just a hot mess (which, if we’re being totally honest, is all of us – amirite?). But no place, and I mean NO place, brings all these moms together in one glorious clash of cultures than – preschool. Here are some of the mom-types I encountered in our first year of preschool, and I don’t think I’ll ever look at motherhood the same.
1) The “Veteran” Mom
To be honest, this mom was the one I was most intimidated by. Not in like a “she’s so cool I can’t talk to her” kinda way. It was more because she had clearly been doing this preschool mom thing for a while, probably with two or three kids rotating through the program over the past six years, and she’s got this thing on lock down. I’d watch her from the safety of my car, as to not get burned by her supermom radiation, as she’d usher not only her kids but two other moms' kids to and from their classes with ease and grace. On the last day of school she can be heard making a flippant remark to her son’s preschool teacher that “she’d better go since it’s the last day of errands sans kids”. Oh yah, and she says what we’re all thinking because, well, why not?
2) The “Princess-Child” Mom
I’d only heard about this mom in legends. When I witnessed it in the flesh, I quickly learned that the only thing worse than a princess-child is a princess-child mom. Don’t get me wrong, she means well. She’s been stuck with three boys from her first marriage (all high school/college age), and finally got her girl with her second husband and ain’t nobody gonna take that from her. The beauty of this mom though is that she typically knows who she is – admitting to the spoiling and warning the teachers what a princess they have on their hands. Oh, joy. The only not fun part is when said princess proceeds to scream and cry for the first three weeks of school, making your already apprehensive son think this is normal behavior and cries along with her until he realizes he’s not a princess and wises up.
3) The “Boy Mom” Mom
I’m proud to say I’m a card-carrying member of this clan. That is, until it’s revoked after my daughter is born in a few short months. No seriously, how does that work? Like are you only allowed to use #boymom if you are in fact a mom of only boys, does one boy still count, am I considered illegit if I dare to birth a child of the opposite sex?? I need to know people! Ok, I digress. My point is, these moms rock and I don’t know what I’d do without them. They don’t have to succumb to the societal pressures girl moms do to learn fifty thousand ways to do a braid, and coordinate their daughter’s bows with their socks with their dress, etc. etc. They simply show up to preschool with their little dudes in mismatched outfits and finger-in-a-light-socket-level bedhead, and welcome everyone with open arms, 'cuz boy moms ain’t got time for that. Dang it feels good to be a boy mom.
4) The “I Show Up in My Heels at 9am” Mom
Trust me, I’m not dogging on this mom. I respect her like none other. She’s clearly got her stuff way more together than me to be up at 6am, showered, primped and ready to go - while the rest of us are lucky to just be deodorized. She may be on her way to work, but something tells me in the way she struts, that this mom just misses those pre-baby days where wearing heels was just as natural as wiping butts are now. She’s even inspired me a time or two to slap on a wedge, even if I’m just getting in the car two seconds after drop off to aimlessly walk through Marshalls. I pray this mom never loses her gusto and reminds moms everywhere that life after baby does exist.
5) The “Grandma-Nanny” Mom
All I have to say is – God bless the grandmas. But I’m gonna give a special amen to all those grandmas who double as a nanny. Those ladies are as good as gold, and I would know since my own mom was one for the first two years of my son’s life. They love those little ones more than a pregnant lady loves tacos, and that’s saying a lot. But what’s even more admirable is that they do all the carpool, preschool drop-offs, lunch-making, naptime wrangling, and more, without ever expecting much more than a thank you in return. I watch in amazement as they get down on the ground and do all the fun preschool holiday activities just like mom or dad would if only they didn’t have to work 10 hours a day. There’s a special place in heaven for these ladies, and I only hope I’m so lucky to be one of them someday.
6) The “Holiday Gift Bag Extraordinaire” Mom
I’m not gonna lie, I pretended to be this mom. My son’s birthday is at the beginning of the school year and I just so happened to have left over cupcakes, favors and décor/plates from his party, which I brought up to the school like I saw the moms before me do. The problem was, I totally forgot there are like 20 holidays throughout the school year, and I didn’t pace myself. I managed to scrounge up some more creativity for Valentine’s Day, but nothing compared to the mom who admittedly stole her Hot Wheels adorned valentine’s idea from Pinterest. Or that mom who hit up the Target dollar section literally every holiday, I’m talking even for Groundhog Day. I commend you ladies on your ingenuity, and for feeding my candy addiction as I stuffed my face with half the bag of goodies when my son wasn’t looking on the drive home. But I think I’ll stick to the dollar store from now on.